he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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