I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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