where am i from again
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
home. puking in laundry basket.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
