Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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