What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
