We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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