I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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