capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
