I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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