My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
