Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
