There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This beer is not sobering me up at all
cat food counts as protein by the way
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
