I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
