my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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