You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize