Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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