okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
