I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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