Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
