I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
