he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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