OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
