You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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