3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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