Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I forget how to act sober
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