My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
