i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
