Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
