i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
