He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
