we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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