if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
