Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
