I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
