Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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