I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
