I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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