I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
