did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
