Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize