she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
