yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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