Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
