Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
