I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think your dad took our porno
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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