I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
