Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
