My sheets look like a crime scene.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize