I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
