so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
