Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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