I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
