We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
