whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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