my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
