"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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