Already got asked if we're dating
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i think i have two assholes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
