Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
