i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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