if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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