I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
