plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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