Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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