I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
