Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
