butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
