Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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