I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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