He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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