my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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