Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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