Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
