I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
