He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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