I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
